Our vendors expect us to participate at certain events. Annual partner meetings in each region, quarterly updates, »Global Summits« and so forth. If I attended each one, I would probably never be in the office (and I like my office).

Sometimes it is a lot of fun, but usually it is a good lesson in how to make wasting your time complicated.

Usually these events are set up to have one entire day filled with relevant content. However, you should plan to arrive one day prior in order to attend the opening ceremony and partake in the Welcome Cocktail. The third day is equally important, since that is the day that everything is summarized. On the second day your eyes are bombarded with PowerPoint presentations, and at such an early hour that you cannot plan your arrival for that day. Often these presentations are given by people who are unable to present (or who do not want to).

But it gets better: There is always a »fun« event, which is kept »top secret« ahead of time. It ends up either being a ride in an off-road vehicle, a brewery or winery tour, or something similar. The location is also top secret, of course. It’s like a kid’s birthday party for adults! There is a bus to bring you and pick you up, meaning that you cannot escape earlier. These "fun" events are well intentioned, but should be placed – optionally – at the end of the entire event. Not everyone wishes to spend his free time with his competitors and suppliers.

And if so, then please make assigned seating in the evening, so that you meet the right people. How many times have I spent evenings with vendor partners from South America and vendor employees from North America… They were all nice people, but they simply are not a part of our business region. Usually there is not even a polite exchange of business cards. That tells you everything about how your time was wasted. Generally even our vendors’ contact persons are not in attendance, because they do cut travel expenses and the time expenditure. Hark!

The main problem, however, is the location. We have been pleading with our vendors for years to please pick a location that you can easily reach via commercial airliner nonstop. There are plenty of them! The reality shows that event agencies always choose super exciting vacation destinations, and always either right before or right after the airline summer season.

If you want to go to Madeira, Malta, Faro or Jerez de la Frontera from Frankfurt during the off-season, there is only one flight a week, or you have to change planes. And that is just for Frankfurt – if you are coming from Bremen or Seville then it is even worse, and it will probably take you seven hours to travel.

Why do people hold events at these locations? It’s quite simple: because it’s inexpensive. In the off-season hotel rooms in five-star hotels are often ridiculously cheap, as are the travel costs for your block of attending employees. That is how destinations are chosen, since coincidentally a Ryanair flight from the corresponding headquarters happens to be flying to no man’s land. Yet, how the customers will arrive remains secondary.

And why is the venue location so inexpensive? Precisely because nobody willingly wants to go there at that particular time of year. The more isolated the location, the less likely you can combine the conference with anything else. Frequently you will hear »Our customers like to arrive days ahead of time and spend time at the beach at the company’s expense.« Hopefully these people do not forget to attend the conference. :)

Since everything is arranged with an event agency, it is often the case that no one from the vendor’s side has ever seen the location, let alone tried the food. Hotels also regularly make loud renovations during the off-season.

Normally there is no agenda available until just prior to the start, but rather a »Save-the-Date« for all of the three days of the event, so that you have no chance of being able to make travel arrangements ahead of time. But I want to make plans, and early enough too! I will not simply surrender three days of my time to a supplier without knowing for what!

What is even worse is when you realize that there is nothing worth discussing on-site, because perhaps the vendor did not finalize his partner programme in time, or pricing and delivery times of new products are still not yet determined and presentations contain many business formulas which ultimately say nothing. When we attend a vendor event, we want to know how we can make more money for ourselves or our customers by working with this vendor. The vendor’s maximization of profit does not interest us.

These meetings are of course intended for »top executives«, meaning that the general manager should attend. However, I do not know one general manager in our sector who gladly sits in a stuffy meeting room and listens to someone reading product data sheets aloud. So please provide a correlating programme! There are frequently also individual meetings with the vendor’s top level from the USA or Japan. We happen to be sitting across from each other, however the top dog has no earthly idea who Jarltech is or what we do. And where on earth is this strange place called Europe?

Plus, a partner programme is no good if I need 20 PowerPoint slides to explain it. Our reseller customers will definitely not even read it once.

But wait, the nice hotel on the beach only has conference rooms without windows. And because of the expensive »fun« event there is unfortunately only enough budget left over for a buffet with tomatoes and plastic mozzarella cheese. I won’t even mention the wine in Tetra Pak. Frankly, if an event is interesting, then the guest will also gladly pay a portion, and can even pay for his meal. Are the vendors afraid that this would keep people from attending, because the costs would then no longer be in relation to the contents?

It also has become trendy for vendors to let customers pay for the events. We are needed to provide a buffet »sponsored by Jarltech« or a Jarltech banner in the breakfast room. Another favourite is spending 5,000 euros on lanyards (those cords worn around your neck to which you clip on your name tag). We often are able to pay for this from our vendor’s marketing budget, but up until that point it was »our money«. What does this mean in reality? I give you marketing money, but I tell you how you have to give it back to me. The marketing effect is supposed to be great, since only »the largest reseller partners« are present. However, there are only three pan-European distributors, and if the reseller does not know all of them, then he will not be comparing prices and services at all.

The worst: The quality of the above-mentioned buffet does not change because of our sponsorship (you are not able to make any changes or personalize it), and my competitors are also not happy if they have to drink a »Jarltech Breeze« the whole night. I have received enough malice for this: »Thanks for sponsoring the lunch, but I think you are trying to poison us.« Sorry, the event agency is responsible for the quality, and they must also take their cut from the measly food budget authorized by the vendor.

I have the impression that corporate group leaders often have to hold such an event once a year (to stay close to customers), and perhaps they even receive a bonus because of it. I would prefer to hold an event because there is something to say, not just because you have to hold an event.